Todays post and its subsequent ones will be a gap difference from my usual Style posts. I hope it will be of help to someone.
In a breakup, we ladies always tend to act as the victims. But have you tried taking time to sit and reflect on what the problem might be?
Well, i haven’t been in a lot of relationships because it really takes a whole lot of things to make me fall in love and when i do, i give it my all because i don’t believe in giving 50% love. That isn’t genuine love because when you truly say you love a person you give it your all (my opinion).
If i’m to ask, those giving 50% and keeping the other 50% how do you do it? Isn’t it a little bit unreal? I know we sometimes do that because we are scared of getting hurt or getting our hearts broken. But being in love with someone is a risk. If you are not a risk taker then you shouldn’t be in love or try to be in a relationship. Granted, we are supposed to be open minded, though that also depends on if you are an optimist or a pessimist.
I for one don’t fall in love with someone with a notion that it might work or it might not. I go in with “it will work” kind of attitude.
The experiences i’ve been learning from my breakup is;
1. Finding out the things i did that my partner wasn’t pleased with.
2. Where i fell short in what a partner will do
I’m not trying to boast, but if you ask my partner today about our relationship, i bet he will give you a beautiful answer. But i gueds it couldn’t work out because we both need different things right now. This here is to tell you all that relationships can sometimes fail if you both want different things at a particular time. It can be the guy may not be ready for commitment and the lady is and if it’s such a case, then don’t force it because by so doing you will just end up getting hurt.
My advice here is to let go and let God. It may be the most difficult thing to do especially when you reflect on how far you have come and all the time and sacrifices invested into the relationship. Let me ask you this; will you rather hold on and keep getting hurt and treated with no value knowing fully well you deserve much more for you know what you are worth, or you rather stay on the side and being treated with disregard?
What bugs my mind is the fact that they also make you feel like you are the problem but they forget that they also have their own flaws and insecurities but they tend to put the entire blame on you by trying to make you feel less than what you truly deserve from the awful treatments they have been giving you.
I know how hard it is to let go but when you do, don’t ever feel like you conceded defeat or try to second guess yourself. Lady, you are good but he may just be lost, you may also just not be what he wants, suffering from youthful exuberance or just don’t have the right friends around him to give him a real brotherly advice and not tell him “oh guy you are still young and there are many fishes in the sea for you to settle now and be committed.” Sometimes if you need your peace you have to let go and you know the saying “if it is yours it will surely come back even if it takes long.” I know ladies we sometimes lack patience in waiting on that beautiful gift God has in store for us.
We’re always comparing ourselves to our friends. If your friend has a relationship or is married that doesn’t mean you also need to be in one when it’s not yet God’s appointed time for you. Let’s learn to enjoy our singleness sometimes.
Let’s not tend to think of the years we have spent with this individual and telling ourselves maybe if i had given a little bit of my love somewhere else i would have been fine. That i will say is wrong. Love isn’t about counting the number of years but it’s about making the years count . Cherish those moments you shared but don’t hold unto them for too long when you decide to move on.
Never settle for less in everything that concerns your life. This is one thing I’ve also come to learn through my bible studies. In 1 Samuel 1:8-10 , it spoke about how Hannah was sad she had no child and her husband Elkanah asked if he wasn’t better than ten sons; but Hannah trusted in God and prayed fervently asking God to bless her with a son and promises she will offer him to God. This shows us that in as much as she loved her husband and he loved her back, she wasn’t going to just take his words and not pray to her Creator to bless her with the fruit of the womb for she knew she deserved double portion of what God has promised for her life.
My advice: “Never settle for less than what you deserve from God just because you may be scared of finding love again.” Never get comfortable in a situation especially when you know you desrve better.”